These few days are really exhausting and tiring. Many bad things happened to me, making me so frustrated and really down, down, and down. Anyway, what I believe is life must go on no matter what happen. So here I am, faking myself to stand up and stop crying.

I was mental break down actually. It was hurt so much that my brain, my body, my limbs, physically and mentally cannot bear it. I cried a lot. I feels so weak and honestly, I got this thing in my head; I need to take a bunch of panadol tablets  and swallow it so that everything will stop and I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel the pain. (Panadol is a painkiller btw). 

But, I think about my mama and baba and also my siblings. I need to survived this for them. How can I live without them. So I try so hard, push myself to stand up, to face everything, and ignores it. Yeah, it is so hard. But I don't have any choice. I need to survive and do well. Even though it sounds like pretending tho.


The one that always ask me to share my problem with him stabbed me from the back. He's the one who always said that he will be by my side no matter what happen. He said that I can share with him everything and so on.


He's the one who makes me feel down. I was sad. After I shared so many things, every problems, including the problem that make me feels like to kill myself, he ignores me. He said that he wouldn't leave me. But he did. HE DID.

He said,

"Padan muka takde kawan."
"Patut la takde kawan. Dengan perangai mcm ni, memang padan la."

I was speechless when things few words came out from his mouth. He repeat it THREE TIMES. Well, even once he said it, I already feels like crying. Can you imagine how it feels??

What I want is support, not that words like hell. Anyway, I don't care anymore. I deserve better. I know that. 

Allah is the best planner. He healed me day by day and thank God, now I'm getting better. I hope that I will be stronger in the future and guys, NEVER ASSUME PEOPLE WITH INNOCENT FACE IS NICE!!! Some of them are vice versa from their look. 

Lastly, I learnt from my lesson. I pray to Allah so that I can be a better human, better people and STRONGER too!! Insya Allah. Pray for me:)

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